


stay gold

by nigiyakapepper



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Break Up, Canon Compliant, Canon Relationships, Character Study, M/M, POV Second Person, S7E01 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 20:08:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15372357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nigiyakapepper/pseuds/nigiyakapepper
Summary: You wake up in bed, grey and cold. You turn your head right to see his naked back facing you. You turn left and see the dull sheen of your promise ring on the dresser. He had talked about getting proper engagement rings once you both had the money.You don’t want to wear it anymore.





	stay gold

**Author's Note:**

> this is me making sense of/exploring s7e01

You wake up in bed, grey and cold. You turn your head right to see his naked back facing you. You turn left and see the dull sheen of your promise ring on the dresser. He had talked about getting proper engagement rings once you both had the money.

You don’t want to wear it anymore.

You’re exhausted. The warm, sleepy smell of his skin suddenly sends a wave of nausea in your gut. You feel hollow in your chest. You want to be anywhere but here. You need to take your meds.

You sit up and feel numbness settling into parts of you. Like gears clicking, they’re familiar, if not routine. You no longer know where you’re drawing strength from. You have to start your day.

\- - -

You’ve never really noticed how difficult the past several months have been until you realize the words coming out of your mouth are the ones you want to hear from someone else. From anyone else. From him.

_I will never give up on you. But more importantly, you can’t give up on yourself._

_You’ve got a lot of potential. But what you decide to do with that potential is up to you._

_You're getting a second chance._

“The Garrison doesn’t want me up there. Neither does Adam," you say quietly.

“So…what’re you gonna do?”

Keith’s been the only person to ask.

Your heart lurches with…something. You don’t know. Anger, frustration, spite, pride. Years of battling against your body coalescing into a single determined heartbeat.

“I’m going on a mission.”

\- - -

You’re not sure when it changed. When you collapsed during training from overwork and realize it wasn’t overwork? Knock knock, the disease you’ve physically and emotionally tried so hard to overcome is back rearing its ugly head full force and you only have a few good years of health left before your body starts sabotaging itself in earnest?

You tell him. Of course, you tell him. You’ve told him everything since you were sharing a small cramped dorm room as cadets. He tells you to take care of yourself. Take it slow, take it easy. You want to live long, don’t you?

But…you reason, it’s been your dream since the Jupiter flight to reach for the stars. An urgency has risen within you - sheer blind panic to fulfill it, because the day you won’t be able to is so much closer than you would’ve wanted (if it were up to you, you’d rather it not come at all).

Be reasonable, he says. With your condition, it’s impossible now.

But that’s precisely it, isn’t it? You’ve got to try. Your pride won’t let you not to. Your desperation to overcome the shitty hand life’s dealt you with won’t let you not to. You’ve been with several successful missions with Commander Holt in deep space. You know you can do it.

_Don’t do this, Takashi._

The sound of your name on his lips used to fill you with so much warmth. Now, you feel like a helpless child.

 _If you want this, if you want_ us _, don’t do it._

You feel sick, confused, and guilty. Is it so bad? Wanting something for yourself, pushing yourself to fulfill the dream you’ve had since you were young, especially now that ridiculous odds are stacked against you? Are you _actually_ the one who’s wrong? And he is right? Because all this is just causing both of misery, and you don't know what to do anymore.

You argue. Rinse, repeat. It wears you down.

There are many afternoons when you’d rather not come home. You train hard without actual drive, because it’s the only direction you know where to go. Being kissed feels like you’re being told to shut up. He says you’ll both make it work and you want it to. You don’t want it to. You can’t bear the look he gives you whenever you take your meds. You almost have a panic attack in the shower when you realize you no longer know or love the man you just slept with.

You need him to understand how important the Kerberos mission is to you. He doesn’t.

You spend more and more of your time with Keith. With him, you can breath better than you have in years.

\- - -

You’re hardly surprised when the day comes. You’re both tired, of this argument, of each other. It was honestly only a matter of time. Something in you has long grown cold and hard. He doesn't even look at you when you talk.

“I know I can’t stop you, but I won’t go through this again.”

He’s called you selfish. You’ve felt guilty for hurting him. Now? It’s numb.

“So when you go, don’t expect me to be back.”

You watch him grab his bag and leave. A small voice in your mind says good riddance. Mostly you’re just.

Numb. In shock.

You don’t know how long you sit on the couch. You only come to when you realize there’s a knot easing in your chest. He’s given you up. You’re…free. To do whatever you want.

Your battered body is restless for a bike ride and you know exactly who to take.

\- - -

The boy knows loss. The boy knows abandonment. You wish he didn’t. Your heart swells at the way he smiles when he talks about his dad—"my pop,” Keith says—and in the way he grins when he pulls off a complicated maneuver. He’s going to go places. Farther than you’ll ever reach. You’re suddenly filled with the need to get him there. No one’s got his back, and goodness, you know how that feels. You’re determined to save him from whatever you’re going through right now.

“Yes, yes! Of course, I’ll come to the launch site with you.”

Your laugh has a bit of disbelief in it. “They’re only allowing family in, though.”

“I’ll say your granddad personally asked me to go with you to the launch site on his behalf,” Keith says, cheeky.

You laugh again, and your heart is so so light. “Let’s just tell Montgomery. She’s less a hard ass than Iverson.”

Keith smiles, warm and bright, and you ache. “The universe won’t know what hit ‘em with you up there.”

“I’ve been up there a couple times. It doesn’t think I’m that special.”

He scoffs. “You’re the best pilot the Garrison’s ever seen, Shiro. You’re gonna make everyone proud. I’ll be right here when you get back. Then we can go up together.”

Keith is gilded gold in the dying sun, handsome and strong. And when he looks at you…

You wonder if you were, in fact, the one who’s been saved.

  
**end**  



End file.
